It’s been a LONG time since I have attempted to write anything. Especially blog writing. Really, I’m shocked to admit that. You see, in all the hobbies and activities I have ever loved doing, writing was my number one creative outlet. Somewhere along the way though I just stopped. Life has this way of getting busy. Too busy. At least that’s one excuse I like to use for my lack of written words. Mainly though, I believe I stopped writing out of fear. Fear of failure, fear of not measuring up, fear of not being liked, fear of the ambiguity of writing in general. Somehow it just became easier not to write, at least, not write in public. After-all, people who write in public are bound to eventually be reaped through some proverbial kind of coals and to this known people-pleaser, that wasn’t a risk I wanted to take. In the course of the past year however I’ve not been able to stop thinking about writing, and not just writing, but writing as a way of ministry. Slowly over the past several months I have begun to pick the pen up again and jot down thoughts inspired by things nearest and dear to me. Family, marriage, faith, life. Things that have been influencing who I currently am and challenging me to change and to become. In short, this re-launch has been a work in progress. Sometimes a convicting, painful one.
Like many, I have a stack of books a mile high. Most I have not even begun reading save for one that has recently challenged me a great deal. Max Lucado, in his book Fearless, writes: “Fear never wrote a symphony or poem, negotiated a peace treaty, or cured a disease. Fear never pulled a family out of poverty or a country out of bigotry. Fear never saved a marriage or a business. Courage did that. Faith did that. People who refused to consult or cower to their timidities did that. But fear itself? Fear herds us into a prison and slams the doors.” You see, Lucado’s quote resonated deeply with me. I want to make a real difference, I really do. But how am I to do that if I don’t even exercise the gifts or abilities God gave me? I let fear stop me from writing. Period. I was sitting in my own self-made prison of ineffectiveness. It’s always been my deep desire to write but to write intentionally. To do so requires a measure of vulnerability as well as boldness. It requires discipline and study. Especially when writing in regards to topics of faith and God. There is a tremendous responsibility to write acuratly, not just what I believe, but why. In essence, it shouldn’t really be about me but more, point others to the ONE who makes all the difference, God himself. I needed to take some time to learn how to remove myself so that God could be more clearly demonstrated in and through me. I needed humbled. I needed some time to “grow-up” a little bit. To pray through goals and seek direction. To truly strive to be an intentional writer. And that’s what this blog is all about. It’s seeking to write with intention on topics relevant to all of us is some form or another. It’s about seeking to be a better mother, wife, and Lord willing, servant. It’s about seeking to remain humble and honest. With intentionality I will also strive for regularity as well. That’s another form of the “discipline” of writing I need to exercise after-all.
To be honest, life is pretty messy sometimes. And sometimes, in that “mess”, we discover what’s truly lasting and beautiful. So, if you desire, I’d love for you to join me in This Beautiful Mess as together hopefully we learn how to draw closer to the one that holds it altogether. And to this I say, WELCOME!